RtB 3: The Comfort of Listening
by Erika
Summary: QuiGon offers ObiWan the comfort of someone to talk to.


This is _**not**_ a new story. This is one of three JA stories that, for some reason that I cannot remember, I never posted to ff.n. I've decided to post them now. All three of these stories are part of the "Rebuilding the Bond" series. They should be read in this order (the **bold **ones be read as stand alone stories; the _italicized _ones are the ones I've just added to ff.n):

**Something Worth Fighting For**  
**To Hold Another's Life**  
_The Comfort of Listening  
Returning the Favor  
Troubling Secrets_  
**Shrouded by Darkness**

I recommend that you read "To Hold Another's Life" before reading this story.

**Title**: The Comfort of Listening  
**Author**: Erika  
**Series**: Rebuilding the Bond (#3)  
**Rating**: PG  
**Summary**: Qui-Gon offers Obi-Wan the comfort of someone to talk to.  
**Time Frame**: After JA8, this is a sequel to "Something Worth Fighting For" and "To Hold Another's Life".  
**Spoilers**: For JA (especially JA6) and…can I include spoilers for my own stuff???????  
**Category**: AU, Angst, POV, H/C  
**Disclaimers**: The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed). I'm making no money off of this and this is written for entertainment purposes only.  
**Feedback**: Please??? Pretty please with a cherry on top? As always, positive feedback and _constructive_ criticism are greatly appreciated!  
**Archive**: Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, Wolfie's Den, The Guardians of Peace, The Temple Library, and anyone who had any of my other stuff. If anyone else actually wants this please ask and send me a link to your site so I can check it out! D  
**Note**: You don't have to have read the first two stories to understand this one but a certain part of this story will make more sense if you have read "To Hold Another's Life". All you have to know is that Obi was forced to choose between saving Qui or his dad…Obi saved Qui-Gon

Things in 's are telepathic communication through the Master/Padawan bond.

** The Comfort of Listening**

**Qui-Gon:**

My heart constricted when I saw him there – kneeling amidst the flowers, facing the trunk of the small Merelia tree – a pool of sadness surrounded by such great beauty. His shoulders were shaking with silent sobs and I could feel his distress deeply through our bond. His thoughts were a mixed tumble of confused emotions. His grief at losing Cerasi, having been unable to save Bruck, being on probation, and then having to choose between saving his father or me, were fighting each other for supremacy. He was so confused and I wanted nothing more than to comfort him, to hold him in my arms until the sobs lessened and the confusion was chased away.

My level of protectiveness towards the boy surprised me, even now. It grew with each passing day and I could no longer imagine my life without him at my side. He would make a great Jedi Knight and I would have the honor and pleasure of training him.

Our bond had grown considerably since having been broken on Melida/Daan and was, as Tahl had said it would be, stronger than it had ever been before. Normally he would have sensed my presence so near to him but his distress was too consuming. He didn't know I was here.

Careful not to make any noises that would startle him, I approached my Padawan's trembling frame and quietly knelt next to him. Even sitting side by side he didn't sense me. I silently debated how to comfort him. I wanted to hold him close to me but I sensed that he wouldn't want that. If he wanted me here at all it would only be for the comfort of my presence.

Reaching out I placed my hand between his shoulders and began to rub slow, soothing circles over his back. At first I felt him stiffen in surprise but then he reached out tentatively along our bond and relaxed upon realizing it was me.

I could feel my embarrassed Padawan's inner struggle to reign in his emotions and control his tears for fear of disappointing me and immediately a wave of guilt pierced me. Even after our conversation and our pledge to start over again, Obi-Wan still felt insecure and felt the need to prove himself to me. It would take more than a few conversations and apologetic words to make up for the wrong I had done the boy but I _would_ make him see that he was worthy even if I died trying.

As I continued to gently rub his back I reached out through our bond and sent him waves of comfort and support in hopes of reassuring him. The boy's embarrassment faded but his fear of disappointing me with his perceived weakness still remained. I could feel his mind racing as he thought back to how he had already cried in front of me three times. I could hear him telling himself that a Jedi was supposed to control his emotions and that he was shaming his training.

You do not shame me, Obi-Wan, I spoke to him softly through our bond; it is all right.

A sharp inhalation of breath answered my statement and a moment later the silence was shattered by my Padawan's loud sobs as he let go of the last shreds of his control. It took almost all my training as a Jedi Master to refrain from taking the boy into my arms and rocking him back and forth.

There were times when Obi-Wan would need that physical comfort from me but this was not one of them. He simply wanted me to be with him and if that was what he wanted then I would gladly kneel by his side for as long as he needed.

Providing the boy with what little I had to offer I flooded our bond with reassuring waves of comfort and continued to softly rub his back until the tremors wracking his body faded. After a few more minutes the sobs had died down and only the occasional sniffle attested to Obi-Wan's distress.

When my Padawan finally turned to look at me, his tear-clouded eyes were a sad grey and the light that usually filled them had all but vanished. "Feel better?" I asked softly, gently wiping away the last of Obi-Wan's tears with a brush of my thumb.

"Yes, Master," he said softly, his voice hitching, "Thank you."

"You needed that," I answered, "you needed to let your emotions out." I knew that Obi-Wan had been crying for everything that had happened recently – not just for Cerasi but for Melida/Daan, for Bruck, for his father, and for all his uncertainly. He had only partially released his emotions before and I had sensed this coming for many days now.

Obi-Wan nodded slightly and blinked to clear his tear-clouded vision. His troubles still weighed him down heavily but the storm of tears had helped ease some of the cutting desperation that he had let overwhelm him. Only time would truly heal my Padawan, time and caring.

"I am here, Obi-Wan," I said very softly, laying the offer out for him to take or reject. Only he could say whether he was ready to talk or not, but if he was he needed to know that I would listen to him.

"I'm so…confused, Master," he confessed in a broken voice.

"I know," I answered simply.

"I think about her a lot," he said, looking off into the distance, "she had this inner beauty about her that just…glowed. All she wanted was to bring peace to her planet and then she didn't even get to see it once the peace was achieved."

"I think she did, Obi-Wan. She is one with the Force now and I know that she stood with you on Melida/Daan and stands with you now."

"Sometimes I just wish that I could have said goodbye. It happened so suddenly…I didn't have time…" his voice trailed off into silence as he took a deep breath and let a small smile cross his face. "When she was happy her eyes just lit up and you could _see_ her joy. She was a good friend," he said regretfully, the smile fading again.

Turning sad eyes upon me he met my gaze and held it, "Have you ever lost a good friend, Master?"

I nodded slowly and reached out to intertwine my fingers with his, "Yes, Padawan, I have. It was on my first mission as a knight and I was paired with a very good friend of mine who had already been knighted for about a year. The mission was a simple one but things never go as planned, Obi-Wan. We were negotiating peace between two planets and everything seemed to be going well but then one of the planet rulers pulled out a blaster and just started shooting. Jaranea was hit in the first round of fire. By the time I got to her, she was already gone."

"I'm sorry," he squeezed my hand softly. "H-how long did it take you to move on?"

"It was hard, Padawan. I had known her my entire life and we were the best of friends. It took me months before I was able to experience joy from anything and longer still to truly accept what happened. It's not easy, Obi-Wan, but the more you talk about her you will find that the easier it becomes to think about her without pain." Again I laid out the invitation to him, hoping he would open up more and speak to me. Just talking about Cerasi would help him move on.

"She was the only one who understood, Master. She understood how hard it was for me to stay behind and knew that I was not meant to stay on Melida/Daan. When Nield and the others turned against me she still defended me. I miss her so much."

I brought our clasped hands to rest against my heart and said nothing. Obi-Wan didn't need for me to say I was sorry or that I knew how he felt, he just needed me to listen and be with him.

"I just wish I could have said goodbye," he said heavily.

I squeezed Obi-Wan's hand tightly, using the touch to assure him of my presence and to show him how much I cared. I knew that something else what bothering Obi-Wan, but as much as I wanted to question him on it, I knew that if he wanted to talk he would come to me in his own time.

For a few minutes he was silent, content in his own memories and thoughts, but then he suddenly pulled his hand out of mine and brought it to rest against my chest, just over my heart. Through the cloth of my tunic I knew that Obi-Wan could feel the small pendant that he had given me. I had kept it with me, in my tunic, so that it would be close to my heart. I would always carry it wherever I went, to remind me of the precious gift that the Force had given me.

At first Obi-Wan seemed embarrassed and pleased that I was carrying his pendant with me and his cheeks flushes slightly with heat as he traced its outline under my shirt. However a look of pure despair soon crossed his features and he began to tremble again. "I let him die…Master."

It took me a few seconds to track his chain of thoughts but after a moment of confusion I realized he was talking about his father. "You did what you could, Obi-Wan," I soothed, "you let the Force guide your actions and I am proud of you. It is understandable that you feel guilty–"

"No!" He exclaimed vehemently, surprising me, "I don't regret saving you, Master! It wasn't your time to die. I could _never_ regret bringing you back."

Touched by his obvious sincerity I was quick to smile and reassure him, "Hush, Obi-Wan," I murmured, "I know that. I understand that you feel you made the right choice but that you are guilty for having to choose me, someone you barely know, over your own father."

"I know you better than my father, Master. I barely remember him."

"That doesn't mean that it wasn't a difficult choice to make, Padawan. I am sorry for having forced it upon you." I glanced down at the ground, feeling my guilt rise. It was my fault that I had let myself fall away from my body and Obi-Wan was suffering because of my mistake. I had done him so much harm by shutting myself off from him and then even after I had started to let him into my heart I had hurt him.

"It wasn't your fault, Master." Even with his own troubles he was quick to reassure me. "It was the will of the Force. I…believe that it was meant to be…but I feel like a traitor, Master. My family won't ever want to see me again. I've betrayed them. Chosen you over my father."

"You did what was right, Padawan, you are not a traitor."

"My family thinks I am."

"They are looking through the eyes of grief, just as you are looking through the eyes of guilt. You yourself said it was the will of the Force. There was no other choice you could have made. You did the right thing. It is understandable to grieve your father but you can't let yourself think it was your fault."

"You don't understand, Master," he said softly, intertwining our fingers once more, "that's just it. I _don't_ grieve my father. I don't feel like I've lost anything, I didn't know the man. That's why I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I don't mourn his loss. What's wrong with me?"

Obi-Wan was such a sensitive soul; he wanted to make everyone happy. It was his innate goodness that made this so hard for him. "Nothing is wrong with you," I said fiercely, "you are reacting normally to what has happened. You are in shock and in denial and you are making yourself feel guilty because of feelings you don't have for your father. He gave you life, you argue with yourself, you should feel something. Right?"

He nodded.

"You didn't know him, Obi-Wan. You can't force yourself to have feelings for him when you don't. When you care about someone it comes naturally. Don't feel guilty because you didn't know him well enough to care for him."

I wanted so badly to ease his pain with my words, but again I knew that only time and caring would do that. "I understand, Master. I c-care for you deeply," he said very shyly, focusing his eyes on the ground instead of me, "b-because I know you and I know how much you love to help others…but I didn't know my father so there was no way I could feel the same without having spent time with him."

I smiled gently. I found something about Obi-Wan's shyness deeply touching. "Your guilt will lessen if you let go of your belief that you were supposed to feel more for your father than you actually did."

"I feel so lost, Master," he said, leaning sideways to rest his head lightly against me.

"I know. It's hard to believe but this will pass, Obi-Wan. I will meditate with you and help you sort through your feelings. Would you like that?"

For the first time in many days I felt joy trickle across our bond, "Yes, Master," he said, "I would like that very much."

"Good," I said.

I sensed that there was something else bothering him, something that I didn't know about, something he was afraid to tell me. I wanted to tell him that he could tell me anything but I could feel his uncertainty and I didn't want to cause him more grief at a time when he was obviously so confused. Obi-Wan and I were healing from what had happened and I knew that eventually there would come a time when there would be no secrets between us. It was a time I longed for.

We stayed like that for a long time, Obi-Wan and I. Kneeling side by side with my Padawan resting slightly against me. He had found a tenuous peace within himself and I didn't want to break it. He would be okay, eventually, but he still had much to work through and he needed to take this peace and enjoy it while he could.

"Master," Obi-Wan said after a long while, "let's go home."

I smiled, "Yes, Padawan," and slowly rose from my kneeling position, helping Obi-Wan to his feet as I did so. Casting one last glance about the meditation garden I draped my arm around my Padawan's shoulders and slowly led him away.

There were still many things that we needed to discuss, but the important thing was that he had begun to heal and that for whenever he needed to talk again, I would always be there to listen.

THE END


End file.
